With care and consideration, your mother can enjoy the family gatherings and festivities at this time of year. Don’t leave her out and say it will be too much. Think it through and adapt. Here are some suggestions.
The seating plan should not place the senior at the head of the table. Spotlighting her is not a good idea. It will be hard for her to get up and go to the bathroom. If she needs a timeout from all the stimulation and sits in a prominent position, it will be uncomfortable for her to get up if she is placed in the middle of the table. Place her near the head of the table.
With regards to the food served, check beforehand with her physician. Do not assume that she may not partake in foods that are normally restricted. Ask the doctor if she can safely reduce her dietary restrictions and have her served those things which are safe for one occasion. Make this the occasion if possible; you don’t want her left out of the festive meal/party food that everyone else is parting of.
If there are questions from the person with dementia about deceased relatives, don’t say he died. Similarly, don’t lie. Deflecting the question by saying we will see him later is best. This way you don’t trigger a re-experience of grief and you are not lying.
Let go of perfectionist ideas about caregiving. Don’t criticize others who are doing the caregiving. Realize that everyone does things differently with your parent. These are not necessarily better or worse. Manage expectations. Accept what you cannot change. If you have trouble with acceptance get support and counseling.
If you are the caregiver, be prepared when the family gets together. Family members may want to help. Make a list beforehand of what they can do such as taking care of tasks such as cleaning, catering, shopping, appointments, paperwork, etc. Being proactive at holiday time gives you an opportunity to delegate some responsibilities.
Even if you are tired of hearing about self-care, build it in to your holiday schedule. Give yourself time without anyone else, just to decompress from the stress. Similarly, recognize that your mother with dementia may need some quiet interludes after over stimulation. Do provide some security through consistency; routines that are regular give a sense of safety amidst the mayhem and noise of new environments and people.
Based on a talk by Adina Segal MSW of CaringKind
If you enjoyed this, Caring Professionals has lots of holiday tips to ensure everyone enjoys themselves:
